Do it. You won’t do it.

Spank myapp.

A brutally honest app audit. Real fixes. A little emotional damage.

Apps spanked: Loading; Real audits, counted the moment each report finishes.
App fixes found: Loading; Every fix those reports listed, added up. Nobody’s perfect.
People here right now (live): Loading; Live, and yes, that includes you. No names, just a count.

What gets spanked

Six places apps lose people.

Every finding comes with its proof: the words quoted from your page, the buttons counted, the reviews cited. No made-up advice, no fake benchmarks.

Get it
Do people get it in five seconds?
An AI sees only the top of your homepage and says what it thinks you are. We put that next to what you really are.
Try it
How hard is it to start?
Where your first button goes, how many boxes sign-up asks for, a card asked for too soon, and buttons that go nowhere.
Pay for it
Is the price clear, and the same everywhere?
Hidden prices, a homepage that disagrees with your pricing page, and free trials nobody can find.
Trust it
Would a stranger trust you with their data?
Real reviews, privacy and security pages, a way to reach you, and signs the app is still alive.
Find it
Can Google and ChatGPT find it?
Your title and description in Google, whether AI assistants are let in to read you, and your App Store listing.
Hear it
What are your reviews really saying?
For iPhone apps: the themes in your recent App Store reviews, with real quotes and real counts.